then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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