why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
