She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
