he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize