i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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