I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
