Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
