I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
