What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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