the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
