I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
