That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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