the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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