The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
