just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
