My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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