Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
