Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
