guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
