i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
handjob tips. give me some.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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