walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
