I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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