Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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