my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
