She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
