then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
