I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize