He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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