It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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