Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
