we're blogging at a bar
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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