i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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