Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
