tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize