The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
