Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
