She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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