Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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