Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
