Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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