I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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