So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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