Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
