I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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