Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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