Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
