They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
