Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
