i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
