Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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