This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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