i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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