a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
