Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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