y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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