Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
