Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
