why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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