I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
