You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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