If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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