I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
