my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
