you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
