Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize