hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
