In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize