I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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