I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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