Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize