She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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