What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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