The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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